AOLNE BUT NOT LONELY

Well, my dear readers. Yet another week is over. Sunday is coming to an end, but I am still writing. It was definitely an unusual weekend. The most important event was my Mistress’ Birthday. She was spending it with her friends and her lover, while I was meowing sadly, alone in the house. While sadly meowing, I was reflecting a lot, since there was nothing else to do. My Lady left me for almost 24 hours which is not unusual, but I definitely wanted to be a part of her birthday celebration. It seems however, that bringing cats to birthday gatherings is not necessarily a common thing to do. Imagine, for instance, a Pancake House’s booth full of humans, among whom sits a cat with a pointy birthday hat and sings “Happy Birthday” song to his Mistress. Total confusion for a human kind. Humans think that cats don’t know how to sing. Ha!

My Lady finally came home, smelling of society and sex. That’s the way to spend birthdays! I am happy for her, but a bit upset that although she accepted my intensive purring upon her arrival, she refused to listen to my interpretation of the “Happy Birthday” song. “Why are you screaming like a lunatic?” – she asked. – “Here is your food and milk. No one has deserted the poor kitsy! Mommy is home!” I lost my desire to continue then. Sometimes this woman treats me like a child.
My involuntary isolation during the last 24 hours brought a lot of reflections, as I mentioned earlier. One reflection occurred in response to one of our reader’s questions, raised by my previous blog entry. “What is a REAL woman?” – the reader asked. This reader is not the only one who seeks clarification on gender roles. To assist with such a crucial question I decided to quote a “Housekeeping” magazine, issued in the former Soviet Union in the 60’s. One of my dear cat-friends was kind enough to forward this self-explanatory quote:

“…You have to remember to prepare yourself daily for the time your husband comes from work. Prepare the children: scrub their faces, comb their hair, change their clothes into nice and clean ones. They have to line up at the door to greet their Father, when he comes in. For such an event, you yourself have to wear a clean apron, and try to beautify yourself – for instance put a bow in your hair. Do not attempt talking to your husband, remember how tired he is! He needs to sacrifice himself at work for your sake everyday. Feed him in silence and only after he finished reading a newspaper, you can try to initiate a conversation with him.”
From the same magazine, a quote addressed to male humans: “After the act of intimacy with your wife, you have to let her go to the bathroom, but do not follow her. Live her alone. Perhaps, she’d like to cry a little bit…”.

They used to say, that Russian women are cold in bed. No wonder. The above are the guidelines one should use in his household to teach his woman to be “REAL”. The bow in her hair would especially work. Tell her, she could leave it on for the “act of intimacy”. To close the topic on Gender Role confusion I would like to mention that five out of five voters admitted that they are confused about gender roles. Thanks for voting and commenting. Dr. Cat is pleased.

The other reflection that I had was on loneliness. I spent almost the whole day and the whole night alone, without my Mistress being by my side. I was mad at first. How could she desert me on her birthday? Of course, she left enough food and water to feed a whole cat army. She also cleaned my bathroom. So, service-wise I had no complains. But socially… I need my Lady to come at night. I need to greet her at the door, circle around her legs, meow, get petted by her, get scratched behind the ear, be talked to and talk back. I need to sleep by her side, annoy her early morning when I wake her up, and do all these other social things. I am not a normal cat, though. I am too humanized, if you will, or maybe I become more like a dog (God forbid!). I need more social interaction than any normal cat would. Yet I disagree whey they say, cats get used to places, not people. Normal cats do get used to people, but their affections are not based on a social need. We, cats, give love because we want to and then when the call of the wild wakes up in us, we leave domesticity behind without any regret.

Now, back to a human kind. Are humans really social animals, or they could survive alone and by themselves perfectly fine? I started noticing that my Mistress, for example, becomes more and more catanized, if one could say that. She enjoys her time alone as much as she enjoys her time spent among friends and lovers. It is nice to close the door one day and be able to disconnect. Quiet house, time for yourself, dance classes when wanted, sun tan when desired, reading books on a bench on the yard for hours without being disturbed.

Let’s see, what do humans need society for after all? Originally, people organized in groups for survival purposes: hunting, protection, etc. Now, they seem to group for entertainment purposes: dine together, discuss the events of the day, family reunions. Do they need each other to survive? Definitely not. If every individual human makes enough effort in their adult life – he or she would be perfectly fine all alone. May be a friendly gathering here and there, but in general – no need for 24/7 societal presence.

What started puzzling me recently is this. There are two instances in which the society requires humans to be together under the same roof all the time. One is when a family includes minor offsprings - this is understandable. Who will feed them and clothe them, if not mom and/or pop? Offsprings have to stay with their family until they are allowed by the society to start working and earning on their own. As a cat, I am not too fond of this rule. Kittens become adults much earlier than humans. Human teenagers are such a drain on the system! And an unnecessary drain, may I notice! But, society is too soft these days, so be it.

The other instance when humans are forced by the society to stay under the same roof is when married. I wonder, what’s the need for that. A normal man as well as a normal woman can survive on their own perfectly fine. Earlier, marriage served certain societal purposes. Financial – women couldn’t occupy equal labor niches, so they needed a man to support them. Procreation – society needed to multiply. Alliances – nobility married for ensuring peace between countries.

Nowadays, remind me is any of the above applicable to middle class humans? I think it’s a rhetoric question. Then, why every time a married woman travels alone, she is asked: how did your husband let you go? Why if humans understand that there is no need for a LEGAL husband or wife, they still officially get married…and then divorce as quickly? Why in my counseling sessions married women feel guilty most of the time about doing something on their own, like taking a class, pursuing education, or going out, because it takes time away from their family time (meaning “husband” time)? Social interaction outside marriage is in so many cases much more pleasant than within the marriage. Brief revision: sex is sweeter, less routine when humans are not married; conversations are more interesting when two people don’t see each other every night; there is no social pressure as to what role should each one play in marriage; finally, humans tend to appreciate other humans more when the doze of interaction is limited to a few hours a week. United by society, humans start taking everything for granted: “Well, he/she is my husband/wife – he/she GOT to do that, like all married people do.”

Besides, being alone is not embraced enough. Meditate, clear your thoughts, enjoy the inner peace. Just lie down in your bedroom and listen to silence. Close your eyes – there is nothing that could possibly interfere with pleasursome solitude, unless you really want it to be interfered. Think about an hour in your day, when no one, and I mean NO ONE talks to you. As a cat, I know how important that is. And though I missed my Mistress when I started writing this, I realized that her constant presence is not necessary. I love her more because I don’t see her every minute of my day.

My question to humans is this: What is the reason(s) for mandatory social alliances, like marriages, these days? Please, comment on that below.
Second question: from your perspective, what period of your life was most joyful: when married or when single? Vote on your left, please.

My dearest, you reflections are essential. Thanks for your contributions! I rob against all of your legs and purr intensively for every one of you. My purrs and love to all until next Sunday.