ARE YOU A GOOD LOVER?

It seems that my dearest readers started lusting after reading our latest entry about well… lust. Happy to hear that, ladies and gents! Happy to hear that. Numerous readers revealed their experiences to me in our private correspondence during the past week or so. Of course, publishing these stories in our “comment” section would be a little wild, but I just have to reflect on at least one of them. One in particular. A client of mine, whom I have been encouraging and inspiring for years asked me “Am I a good lover?” This dear client has also asked respectful Dr. Cat to share some ideas on what it is to be a good lover.

To all of you, dar-r-rlings, who are reflecting on your close encounters with the opposite sex and who are doubting the quality of your love making skills, Dr. Cat would like to say simply: GET OVER YOURSELF AND ENJOY IT! However, understanding the complexity of human brain versus the simplicity of cats’ brains and habits, I will have to adopt my attitudes and significantly increase my sensitivity level. I am sure the answer above will not suffice to satisfy a human. So I came up with a longer and more sophisticated answer to the question of the day:

Are you a good lover?

A few things we need to realize first. Cats, as you have probably guessed, don’t question themselves on the topics of intimacy. They simply take their risks and proceed. The rest is a task of something that the followers of Darwinism call natural selection. Female cats know whom they would like to procreate with and to whom they would recommend to go and f… themselves. It is simple. Females smell you, analyze the quality of your fur, the scent of your sperm, potential endurance of your manhood and make their decision right then and there. If you are lucky enough you will get some, if you are not – then you’ll proceed to fu…ing yourself, as mentioned above.

I am very positive that human females make very similar decisions on some subconscious level. That is why the first step for a male to being selected is to carefully groom yourself. We are not even talking about love making yet. We are just talking about avoiding doing it all alone. We are talking about being chosen as a potential candidate for coupling. Groom carefully! All fleas have to be gone, the fur has to be shiny, your whiskers – trimmed. Why the hell would a female couple with a guy infested with fleas?!... I am sorry I got carried away a bit and forgot that I am addressing humans. But I am sure you got the gist of this paragraph. In essence, appropriate grooming is a key to a successful selection. That rule applies to women as well. What, the mirror on the wall is dusty and doesn’t tell you “who is the prettiest of them all”? Then fire this damn mirror!

Moving along. Let’s say you are selected by the female/male of your choice. Lucky coincidence. Usually, it’s not the case. Usually, people you find attractive are somehow out of reach. But for the sake of our topic, let’s say you are mutually satisfied with the selection. The games begin right here. That’s where cats and humans are different. Cats would proceed to the nitty-gritty of the encounter. Humans need to play first. Humans need to fantasize, to engage the brain, to think about the next step, to strategize. Dear humans, the first step to failing as a great lover is the thinking process. The more you think, the more you stink. Love making is a process that evolves instincts more than it evolves the brain and its’ left hemisphere in particular. Of course, the game of seduction is an art, and we will need to dedicate a separate Sunday to that. But when the question is posed about the art of love-making, we need to stop strategizing, ladies and gentlemen. We need to start FEELING.

No, the feeling part is not going to happen on the first date most probably. Cats don’t date, humans do. That means, in human’s case FEELING is not going to happen right away…. It’s disappointing, to say the list. Dr. Cat feels bad for humans, who need to suppress their feeling process to comply with societal norms. However, rules are rules, and we abide. Which means a few so-called dates go by before you can start feeling your partner. Oh, yeah, get rid of all your fleas and stay flea free throughout this dating process.

Back to FEELINGS. Here it comes, the moment of truth. That moment alone. The first naked moment. How do I look? How does he look? Lights or darkness? Bed or couch? Before dinner or after? Should we have a drink first? No, no, no! Too much thinking! If you are asking yourself at least one of the above you suck! Insecurities ruin your abilities and talents. Insecurities don’t let them develop. Like in every other field – if you are insecure, someone will beat you to the finish line. Start feeling your partner. Start touching your partner. Don’t rush on this first naked date. Explore. Nothing will be perfect, I assure you. You can’t turn into a swan and seduce Leda, like Zeus did. Why not? Well, you are not Zeus. But you can learn from the story. Zeus knew whom Leda would feel safe with and attracted to at the same time. Swans are graceful and at least look harmless. So, find out what your partner likes. In what ways they like to be touched, caressed, kissed. Again, without rushing, try several ways. Is she sighing? Is he overly tense? What is this spot on the body that makes him/her moan with pleasure? Do not rush with intercourse. Intercourse is probably the simplest of all pleasures.

Like great strategists, first you need to invade and capture weak areas of your partner’s body. These will be your future battlefields, in a loving sense of the word. (By the way, just because you think you look charming, you won’t automatically qualify for a title of a good lover. You can look like Michelangelo’s David, but you may totally suck in love making).

While you are exploring your lover, you need to see if you are having any fun yourself. Pleasing others is wonderful – every intimacy book is about that. But it’s only half of the truth. You need to be capable to know how to use your lover to satisfy yourself. Let your lover be a tool for your pleasure. Passivity will not do. If one thing doesn’t work for you – try another one.

Keep in mind though that every person is different. No generalizations could be made about love making. You could be great with one partner and could leave another totally unsatisfied. That’s why the feeling process is so-o-o important. If someone tells you he/she is a great kisser, it doesn’t mean that they would do as great with you. Take opera, for instance. Some people love it, some – can’t live without it, some – can’t stand it. Same applies to love making. You’d suit someone’s temperament completely, some – you would satisfy from time to time, and some – won’t be able to get any pleasure from you. And if YOU YOURSELF, are barely tolerating your partner, it gets even worse.

Want a practical advice? Conduct your own orchestra. There are no taboos in the art of love making. You make your own music. You need to feel it, you need to give in, you have to let it happen. It’s a harmony that you are seeking between your own body and that of your partner. Like in every art, there is less thinking and more creating, more intuition, more sensitivity is involved. Follow the music inside you, whether it’s the voice of a cello, or the beat of a drum. Wild is good from time to time…as long as it makes you wet.

Dr. Cat has spoken. Now it’s your turn. Tell us about your experiences, ask your questions. Dr. Cat will meow his answers, without pointing a paw. Purr-purr, my dears. Oh, yeah, I promise to answer a question posed by one of our charming readers about our deep dark destructive instincts within a week or two, when my cat’s meows turn into a tiger’s roar.