PASSION, LOST IN TRANSLATION

Dearest readers, I apologize to all of you for profound delays in delivery of my insights. I missed you all dearly, and I’ll try not to take such expanded breaks in the future, for I am sure, you are burning in anticipation of a new fresh Dr. Cat’s observation. I am not to disappoint you.

As I took a prolonged vacation and attended to cat-related business, I observed numerous peculiar incidents of human behavior that I would definitely like to address. One of them in particular attracted my attention. While counseling my clients I realized that things they say out loud are not the things they meant to say. Further on, things that they meant to say are not the things that they felt. Finally, things they felt are really not the ones they’d like to feel. Obviously, communicating is one of the most challenging aspects of human experience. But what’s even harder (almost impossible) for humans is to interpret communication patterns of others.

As a cat, I have something that is called intuition. Intuition makes me a gr-r-r-reat psychologist, since I’d rather “sense” the problem of my client than “analyze” it. Skillful that I am in using my “sixth sense”, I am almost always right with my diagnosis. Unfortunately, as said in my prior blog entries, humans unlike cats do not trust their guts. They ANALYZE, or they think they do. In reality, these human creatures have no clue about what is thought by their opponent in conversation. But what am I saying? Sometimes they don’t even understand what has being SAID to them directly. And oh, do they have a special talent for misinterpreting!

So, here I am, giving you an insight on some communication patterns. Let’s limit it for our purposes to say the communication of passionate feelings toward each other. Male and female are communicating passion, love, romance, attraction. Mrrrr, take for instance the king of romanticism, Mr. Shakespeare.

”"What's in a name? That which we call a rose/By any other name would smell as sweet." Or, try this: “The stroke of death is as a lover’s pinch/which hurts and is desired”. This one is even better: “This bud of love, by summer's ripening breath/May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet"

Ohhh, “the bud of love”…Isn’t that r-r-romantic? Isn’t that sweet? What woman wouldn’t melt listening to such beautiful lines?!

Unfortunately, or actually, FORTUNATELY, not every man/woman is a poet. Some men/women have to do mundane jobs, like teaching math or cleaning the streets. So passions are usually expressed in more simplistic traditional ways. Just read the hallmark cards: “Be my Valentine”, “You are the light of my life”, or “Lovers forever”… But what about “You are a sexy bitch” or “Mount me. I want you”? Wait a second, did the two last ones make your ears bleed just now? But why, my dears, why?
When I said earlier, that humans have a tendency to misunderstand and misinterpret the messages conveyed by others, I meant exactly that. Not only they are afraid/ashamed to express what they really feel, but also when they do express it, what comes out of their mouth are one euphemism after another. Why does their society make them so “appropriate” and “politically correct” even in their personal life that they are unable to say what they mean to say? Moreover, they are so used to euphemisms, that the “true” language makes their ears bleed.

Take passions for instance. Passion, as per cats’ understanding of it, is something gutsy, crazy, irrational, and sometimes a bit dirty. Like a strong smell, passion attacks you, awakes you, makes you longing for something unexplainable. It’s wild and uncontrollable. Thus the language that describes passion has to be crazy, wild, and uncontrollable. One should say, whatever he/she wants to say in any crazy way they feel it. Passion can’t rhyme, can’t be thought through, can’t simply be “the bud of love”.

“F… me I can’t wait any longer” or “lick me till I am unconscious”. How is that? A bit rough? May be human life will be easier if humans communicate openly? Especially, while expressing their passion to each other. Let’s try first to do it in private comfort of your own home. As your insightful doctor, I’d rather you express it in a way you feel it, than moan something unclear and/or fake, so that your partner is left completely confused. Take for instance the opening lines of the movie “The Invention of Lying”. The main character says, as he enters the apartment of his potential date that he’d never seen before: “Hi”. The heroine: “Hello, you are early. I was just masturbating”. The main character: “It makes me think of your vagina”. Wouldn’t you agree that it’s funny to say the least? But what I am getting at it’s also open and clear. Euphemisms are not a part of the equation.

It seems to me as well, that even when there is an attempt to express passions directly, the receiving part is uncomfortable at times with what has been said. Take the preceding paragraph: “It makes me think of your vagina”? Not romantic at all. At least not to human understanding of it. And yet, if you think about passions in a pure sense of it, you should realize that passion is mostly about sex, and sex is mostly about penises and vaginas. Passion is also about ecstasy that a sexual act offers to persons who experience it (assuming sex is good of course). And ecstasy, ladies and gents, is far from poetry. So, when one is trying to express an ecstatic effect the other is causing, why don’t you just listen and embrace it? Why don’t you take it as a compliment?

Now, let’s work on your expressions. Or should I say, on your interpretation of these expressions. Your male partner says while inside of you: “Oh, baby, you are so tight!” Embrace it. It’s a great compliment. First of all, it wasn’t thought through, because there is nothing pretty in what was said. It is just what he felt, which means it’s the truth. Secondly, it wasn’t said on Valentine’s day, so there is no fake occasion to make you a compliment. Thirdly, it was said in the midst of sexual act, when brains work less than the rest of the body. It was said in precisely the moment that caused your male to experience some ecstatic feelings and he expressed them the best way he could.

Openness in passion: “You are hard as a rock”, “Undress, I want you now”, “Make me wet all over”, “I can feel every inch of you inside”, “Just thinking of you makes me juicy”… Ladies, try these with your men, when you REALLY feel it of course. I am sure any male would give a lot to hear these lines. Openness is sexy. True passion numbs the conscience and silences the poetry. That’s how you know what your partner really feels. Guts, ecstasy, meltdown, tightness of the body, sweat, emotions.
Work on your vocabulary, ladies and gents. Until then, please, answer my question of the day:

Should humans use euphemisms, when it comes to passion, should they be open to express it using the true words, or should they rather say nothing and just moan and groan?

Take the poll on the left, make comments below.
My friends, we part again until next entry.